Choosing death is living (Irimi)

Some years ego I found the phrase “Choosing death is living”, it made no sense to me at that time, of course; but later I found allusions in other readings, in class and in some phrases that made the same point, which I found a pretty curious, by the way.
I’ve been trying to write this for a long time, but I always keep stuff in my work memory. I twist them and twist them once and again and sometimes I get them a little dizzy.
One day, when reading Saotome Sensei’s book, “Aikido or the harmony of nature”, I found the same curious phrase again, I quote:
“…O’ Sensei used to say: ‘No external force can disturb me, I stay calm in front of any attack, no matter its speed or style. Why? Because I am empty, I am not attached to life or death.’ Renouncing to the attachment to life does not mean to die before fighting for the truth. Renouncing to the attachment to death does not mean to run away. Both reactions reflect fear and weakness…” “…Marubashi means breach of life and is also a technique of the Yagyu saber style. When the enemy attacks with a saber, one enters directly in it trajectory without deviating to left or right, as if one were looking through the saber and his mind. In this way of direct entrance one exposes to death. The philosophy beneath the origin of this technique is that life is like a long and thin bridge that crosses over turbulent waters. When one faces an enemy in the middle of the bridge running away is impossible. To escape or hesitate means to be followed and cut in halves by a saber. To escape to the right or left means to fall into the turbulent water. When choosing life one finds death. The only way is the enemy. It is necessary to penetrate into the hurt of his attack thinking in a change in time and space but not in separation. This is the spirit of Irimi (enter). If the mind rushes into the future the present is neutralized, the past becomes future, and the future takes present’s place. Only renouncing to time and space one will be able to be free to choose death. Choosing death is living. Practice must give this instinctive notion…”
Undoubtedly what we are talking about here is detachment. Detachment in what? Detachment in everything, especially life. This is quite a radical concept for Occidental people, but is the essence of Zen and, of course, is the essence of Budo, the saber path, is the path on which Aikido walks.
A few months ago Picciola Sensei explained Irimi, and after seeing the students’ mistakes he stopped the class and explained again, he said: “Enter! Irimi is almost kamikaze!” the idea appeared once again. And finally last week, while practicing a sort of Ikkio-Ikkio as a fight back technique he said to us: “Don’t try to beat your partner, to win you must be more disposed to loose than to win.” That was the spark that closed the idea and made it stop twisting in my head to write it down.
But I also understood that this is something that cannot be taught or learnt. It is only possible to show the path, and it is our choice to want to see it and cross it. “To forget the ‘I’ is to understand everything else”, this is what life is about.
As always, this is just my humble opinion.

Juan Pablo Fava